if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
