one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
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