i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
