butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
