Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
