So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
