My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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