Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
