D3 body, D1 cock
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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