I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
