Cold hands, warm shart.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
