NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
