If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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