yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
My ATM looks so different sober.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
