yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You're a waste of cheezeits
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
