I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
