do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
