I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
