why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
