She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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