My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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