I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
