bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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