We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
