There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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