I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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