rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
the day after is always just damage control
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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