Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
