I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
