help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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