so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
