The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
