The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
