Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I believe in your delicious
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
