I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
