this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
