Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
