I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
