My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Holy sore nipples Batman
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
