are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
