my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Of course I have a pirate flag
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
