My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
no you cant smoke seaweed
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
