I'm sorry my penis didn't work
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
The convent might be a nice break from real life
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
