So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
