And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
