I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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