best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize
