the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
