Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
