the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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