Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
