if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
